Tired

I don’t plan to write allot today. I’m tired, it may sound selfish or self centered but I am. It’s been now 11 years since my mother came to live with me. At first it’s was a wonderful honey moon then has the years came and went turned into a long and winding journey. A journey that has led me to in a closer faith in God, and closer relationship with my mother, a shedding so to speak of my need to be autonomous (one can never really do this on their own) and a strong sense of priority and self preservation. But at the end of the day I’m tired.

Tired of maneuvering between MEDICARE and MEDICAID, screening the endless stream of caregivers and caregiver agencies and structuring everything around my mother. I recognize that I am one of the blessed caregivers because I do have a ton of support. For the most part there really hasn’t been anything that I haven’t been able to do…yet I am tired!

It’s as if there is a string that has been tied around my ankle, at first I was resistant and resented it later it became a comfortable fact of life and for the most part remains that way yet now I look at it and long for the day when I no longer have it.