Caregiving…..Screaming is allowed!

Everyday seems like ground hog day now. Which when I really think about it.. it’s good because that means nothing is going wrong. Let’s face it with the stage my mother is In with Alzheimers the likely hood of complications are more likely than reversals. So routine is good but it gets old.

Today is Sunday so it was bath day for her. The weekends I fine myself getting caught up in watching my TV programs and just zoning out of the life I have. Sunday’s after attending our church, on line, I then watch a little TV read a little then it’s nap time. I wake up give Momma her lunch then her bath. Then I have lunch and watch TV or read. That’s pretty much our Sunday’s I don’t even turn my phone on because I really don’t want to be disturbed.

Saturday’s I bring Momma out of her room into the family room and soak her feet and hands comb her hair and just allow her to be in another part of the house with me. Then after about 3 or 4 hours I take her back.

I was thinking that come November I will have been here at the house a full year, no breaks. Normally I get little weekend get always and last year when I retired from the military I took a 10 day trip to Malaysia! Then I had a friend who got married in Oct and I drove to Atlanta for that then an event for an organization I’m a member of was hosting an event that was only an hour away and I went for the weekend that was last November .

I don’t see myself going anyway until we have a PROVEN vaccine for COVID! I just can’t take the chance of brining a caregiver in the house nor me going out an socializing bringing back to Momma, Nope won‘t do it. Now my weekday caregiver is the only caregiver that has been consistent.

During the weekday I work on my Caregiver devotion and my children’s book series. I’m getting a certification in Nonprofit management from the University-of Tampa so I had a good flow going throughout the week.

But for the foreseeable future I will just get accustomed to round hog day EVERYDAY!

So, the saga of momma’s loose tooth is now over!!! Needless to say it took some elbow grease to get the process to completion. Mobile Physicians were not opened on Labor Day, no surprise, so I had to wait until Tuesday. I called and spoke with the supervisor of the medical assistant to moms PCM. She stated the medical release form had be faxed TWICE. Obviously to me that meant there was an issue with the fax on the tooth fairy end or the end used by mobile physicians. Finally the two people spoke and Mobile Physicians sent and email that was received by Tooth Fairy Dentistry. Viola

Mom’s appointment had been moved from 9:15am to 5pm. The dentist and tech didn’t arrived until 6:37pm and by 7:00pm they were packing up heading out!!! The process was so easy. They came in with their hand held x-ray machine took x-rays of Moms mouth, saw the loose and infected tooth and then did a very quick extraction. Sent in a prescription and were off. Now we are waiting to get on the rotation for cleaning!!!!

Mom to her credit was ideal. She never opened her eyes while they were working on her. They used no sedation only a device that looked liked scissors but had rubber ends that went into moms mouth to keep it open. That’s it!! I was so relieved and very grateful!

I order to ensure Mom didN’t develop dry socket we (Deborah and I) have been giving Mom her liquids with a syringe used for liquid medicines. The dentist stated we needed to do this for three days and she is on the antibiotics for 6 six days.

Mom is doing great!!!!

So, I got a call on Friday from the Tooth Fairy. Apparently, Mobile Physicians has not responded to their medical release request! Now the dentist need this to determine which mild sedative to give Momma so they can perform the extraction! The receptionist has called and sent the release requested on 27th Aug and has been calling since then! Now my mother’s appointment is in jeopardy…..the next available dental visit is 22th September! I called and left a VM twice. I’m hoping they will be open tomorrow but am not sure.

Second, today Momma took 45min to eat her breakfast. I’d fed her and she’d hold the food in her mouth. 45min y’all!

Welp, the tooth fairy didn’t come this week. The agency was notified that someone had tested positive for COVID so they placed everyone on lock down. We have been rescheduled for the 8th. BUT the podiatrist came this past week!

I admit that I am no manicurist; therefore, I do my best to service momma’s nails from hands to toes. She had an ingrown toe nail that needed tending too. Mobile Physicians partners with other specialist so we are now on a 3 month rotation for the Podiatrist! The doctor was really friendly and stated that Momma’s feet looked good. He trimmed her nails and that was that!

I have been really careful while brushing Momma’s teeth, now that the appointment has been pushed back I just want to maintain her dental care. Even though I wasn’t initially happy with the push back appointment I see as a blessing. I am in enrolled in a graduate program at the University of Tampa and I had class last week so I would not have been hear to meet with the dentist. Deborah would have been here but I try my best to be on site for the first visit of a physician. Now that it has been pushed back I can be here.

Things are good and momma continues to make the best of the situation she is in. Some days she sleeps all day only “waking” up , I put it is quotes because she never opens her eyes, to eat but not talkative. Then there are the days when I want her to take a nap. She jibber jabbers all day and into the night which is funny. Not sure who she is talking too. I go into her room and although she is talking her eye’s are close. She isn’t talking in her sleep though, I can tell when she is asleep because she’s quiet and her sleep is deep. But this is something else, not sure but it’s still brings a smile to my face when I hear her.

Sooooo, as you caregivers know there is always something! My new “something” is my mother has a tooth that is loose. I discovered it when I was flossing her teeth..yes flossing her teeth!

I’ll start from the beginning. My caregiver and I both brush my mother’s teeth, now it isn’t easy, she doesn’t like to open her mouth so we have to coax her and I know we aren’t brushing to standard because we can’t but at least we’re trying. Well I noticed her gums were a little swollen and I contemplated how in the world could I include flossing into the dental hygiene regime.

It took me a couple of days and prayers, I do like my fingers, to finally decide and figure out how to get the job done. I purchased those floss picks! There are perfect and I use the handle end of her toothbrush to keep her mouth open. Now my mother is taking her tongue and trying her best to push out the end of the toothbrush as I’m flossing so I have to be quick but I’m getting the job done…somewhat. There really wasn’t any blood but I discovered she has worn down the back molars on her left side…did I mention that she grins her teeth?

I had been flossing for about a week when I notice one tooth that appeared to be out of place. Low and behold it was loose!!! It’s her left upper molar. I had no idea what to do, who could/ would come out and perform a tooth extraction.?!!! I called my mother’s care team at Mobile Physicians and as God would have it there is a mobile dental agency, The Tooth Fairy! I called and got an appointment for next week. The receptionist was extremely friendly and while I was completing the on-line application and documentS signed she called the medical team to get their permission and assessment.

So next week the dentist will come and do an assessment an an extraction! I’m so grateful. What I didn’t want was for 1 the tooth to come out and momma choke on it and or two the remaining cavity that is left behind get infected. But I don’t have to worry about that now! Praise God.

Next week I’ll give you a full report!

Caregiver tip:

It’s important to have all medication and or DNRs readily accessible. I have an updated copy of my mother’s medication list, Medicare and Medicaid numbers, the Mobile Physicians number and her date of birth in an orange envelope on the frig. This envelope also has her DRN. If an emergency occurs and the EMTs are needed my caregiver just hands them this envelope! It has been a life saver on the occasions when she’s had to go to the hospital.

This week was a good week, a normal week I guess. Yesterday one of my friends had a private zoom discount jewelry show. It was so much fun, as she announced and displayed the various pieces of jewelry we (8) would ohh and ahh then some one would say “I want it” or I’d announce my name very loudly! I had allot of fun and got some very beautiful pieces at a fraction of their cost.

After, I couldn’t help but think of my mother. See I got my fashion sense from her, as a little girl she wanted to be a designer! And when we stepped out of the house we were dressed! I thought about how much she would have enjoyed the zoom jewelry show and what she would have liked.

Everyone would have enjoyed her because she has such a nice bubbly personality. Even now bedridden when she is “present” she is a trip! Deborah will tell me of the comments And or the faces She makes. My mother would have loved the show.!! After we would have planned what outfits to wear the pieces with and where we would go to wear them! LOL

I miss not being able to share my life with her, I miss her and what we had. However, I try not to concentrate on the past and try to enjoy the present.

Yesterday I brought her into the den where I gave her a mani pedi. We had watermelon and I combed her hair. These are the new memories she and I are creating, and for that I am grateful!

So, those of you know that I have been caregiving for my mother since 2009. This week I received in the mail some correspondence from Humana her MEDICARE provider. Now since 2009 I have been the ONLY person who has handled all of momma’s healthcare needs. I had to fax a copy of the power of attorney to Humana and they have it on file. I’ve spoken to numerous nurses, customer care representative throughout this eleven year period. Yet this week I received a letter stating that I have NOW been recognized as my mother caregiver and that there’s a tool kit they can send me!

WHAT? REALLY? after all these years now they want to send me some help?? I laughed out loud. But I did fill out the return mailer to receive my free “toolkit.” I am so curious to see what it has but as curious as I am I’m also angry.

Angry at our healthcare system. Over these eleven years I have had to maneuver it and learn the “trigger” words that get me to the right individual who will assist me. I’ve had to submit grievances to billeting and fight to change healthcare providers…and now they want to give me a toolkit! It’s laughable.

My anger is coupled with how difficult the system is that was developed to assist our seniors!!! I recall a conversation with a customer care rep where I told her “my mother has me as her representative. What about the other senior to do not have a Greta? Your system and processEs are not user friendly! What about them?” I was so pissed. She agreed but of course she couldn’t do much.

A caregiver tool kit? Um I can’t wait to see what’s in it!

I know I’m blessed to have a caregiver that comes Monday thru Friday. She is wonderful and takes really really good care of my mother and me. This week she made french toast and left some in the microwave for me when I returned from my morning walk.

She pays close attention to my mother and will alert me if she notices anything different with my mother. Most days we laugh and joke before I head upstairs to my work area but then there are the days when I just can’t seem to tolerate her.

She has this habit of talking out-loud of things that most people just keep inside. For instance when your phone alerts you that the incoming call is probably a spam call. Most of us would just ignore the call and then block it. But not my caregiver she starts a tirade of “I don’t know who that is calling me. Why would people call me when I’m at work. Telemarketers should stop calling me I have not money for them” on and on for at least 30 sec to 1 min. I can hear her talking to the TV also. She has a loud voice so even though I’m upstairs I can hear her. Unfortunately my work area doesn’t have a door so I would close my door if I had one!

I mean who does that? Most days once she dies down than everything is ok but some days I just can’t take it. I’m normally working on one of my books and need to concentrate and her out burst disturb me. There are times when I say “I’m on the phone.” Which is the polite way of saying “please stop talking”. One day I had to go down stairs and close the door to my mother’s room where they were because I couldn’t concentrate.

Sometimes when I think about it , I laugh but honestly I don’t like. But when you have someone who is so wonderful at taking care of your loved one, the only decent thing to do is give her the space to be her because after all, she gives me the space to be me.

Caregiver tip

Getting my mother to eat is similar to what parents of toddlers go thru. You find something they really like and you give them a little of that first then the next bite of the other and you alternate. My mother has begun to recognize what I’m doing because she will look at what’s on the spoon then at me. I will announce what it is then say “and the next bite will be pudding! “

I think becoming a caregiver for my mother was the biggest lesson in Love I’ll ever have. There was never a doubt in my mind or heart that I loved my mother, yet when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s my love for her was chellenged.

Challenged in the sense that what I had known to be “loving” wasn’t what was required of me. I HAD to step up and be her advocate; her physician at times monitoring her when new medications were introduced; her confidant; a listening ear each and every time she would repeat the same story; her parent and enforce the rules and guidelines I knew would keep her safe and healthy; her nurse and yes caregiver. Notice daughter isn’t in my list…possibly because through learning what love truly is “daughter” for me at least as finally incorporated all of them.

I Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)

Love is patient, love is kind.

It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,

It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

Psalm 91 is a wonderful psalm that speaks to what is gained by making the Lord God our refuge. In these times of so much uncertainty, doesn’t it make sense that we need someone outside of ourselves to help us navigate our minds, our life and this world? I know I do. I often read this scripture but I personalize it. So I have it here for you to also personalize.

As caregivers we are faced the added burden during this pandemic of “bringing” the virus home to our loved ones. When we might take the chance to go out with our friends or family we have to put our immediate needs aside, again, and think of the person whom God has entrusted us to care for. So we don’t go or at least I don’t go. But I’m ok I know my calling in this season and I have accepted it. I’m good!

Psalm 91

____________ dwells in the shelter of the Most High, and she/he abides under the shadow of the Almighty. __________ says of the Lord, MY refuge and MY fortress: My God; in whom I trust.

For it is God who delivers ________ from the snare of the trapper and from the deadly pestilence (fatal infectious disease). God will cover _________ with His pinions, and under His wings __________ may seek refuge; God’s faithfulness is a shield and buckler.

_______ will not be afraid of the terror by night or of the arrow that flies by day; of the pestilence that stalks in the darkness; or of the destruction that lays waste at noon.

A thousand shall fall at _________’s side, and ten thousand at her/his right hand; but it shall not approach ___________. _________ will only look on with her/his eyes and see the recompense of the wicked. For ____________ has made the LORD her/his refuge, even the Most High, __________’s dwelling place.

No evil will befall _________, nor will any plague come near ________’s dwelling. For He will give His angles charge concerning ______ to guard _____ in all her/his ways. They will bear _______ up in their hands, lest _________ strike her/his foot against the stone.

_________will tread upon the lion and cobra; the young lion and the serpent she/he will trample down. “Because ________ has loved Me,” God said, “therefore I will deliver her/him; I will set __________ securely on high, because ____________ has known My name. __________ will call upon Me and I will answer her/her.“

“I will be with ____________ in troubles; I will rescue _____________and honor _________. With a long life I will satisfy _________, and let her/him behold My salvation.”

Remember God has given you the Spirit of Power, Love and sound judgment, use them well.