Well, it’s the HOLIDAYS!!!! That’s what I feel everyone around me is experiencing but not me. It is the first Thanksgiving without her. Truth be told I’m having very mixed emotions. I put out all my Thanksgiving decorations the beginning of October. I attended a zoom grief sharing seminar because I just didn’t know what I would experience so better prepare for what may come.
Initially, I thought I would stay home, but then I had three invites so I went to a friends house. I even baked a delicious devils food chocolate cake. I had a great time. But after I left I came back to an empty house and the saddness returned. I miss my mother!!!!! Even though for the past two years she was bed bound and could not see the house decorations that I put out each year, still she was HERE I could feel her. Now I can’t because she isn’t.
I miss my mom but I do not miss all that came with caring for her…. If I’m honest. I do not miss having to get up at 6am to give her the thyroid meds, or changing her adult diapers, or fighting with her to eat. BUT I MISS HER. I miss not feeling her here, I miss not going in the mornings and throughout the day and kissing her cheeks and I miss singing to her.
Yep the holidays are here, my Christmas decorations are out …no invitations yet. I am very Thankful for all that God has blessed me with especially the wonderful women he gave me as mother. And I will celebrate the birth of my Savior and take comfort knowing she is with Him this season. I will celebrate, as I learn to live with the loss of her not being here.
I MISS MY MOM!
Caregiving.....Screaming is allowed! 