It’s been almost two months now since my Mother has gone. My mourning process was somewhat easy I guess. When I returned from Texas I came to a house that was silent. Truth is, I enjoy silence so that wasn’t jarring, what was jarring was my ability to do what I wanted. Not hindered by the responsibility of being home to ensure Deborah would get off on time. NoT having to get up at 7am to give Momma her thyroid medication, no having to Prep for meals and feed her no bathtime.
I now was faced with more time that I had ever had. It was new, when friends would ask me to go out on a Saturday my initial thought would “no, I have..” then I would hear a soft voice say “yes you can”. The truth is prior to her coming to live with me this was my life, but the passed twelve years I adjusted to my role…now I had to adjust once again to living my life with out her.
Of course this is what she would want as anyone wouldn’t want their loved one to mourn their loss to the extend that it paralyzes them. Now I needed to recapture my freedom and I have. Learning to “go out” without the responsibility of caregiving. It is freeing but also a little sad.
My house is full of memories of her that I will forever hold dear to me. I have pictures of her and I, pictures friends took of her while she was in Hawaii with me. I have several of her hats on stands throughout the house ( it’s very tasteful nothing tacky) all reminders of my wonderful mother. A woman who gave her all for me and hopefully I can now say I gave my all to her during her last remaining years here.
I love you lady bug!
Caregiving.....Screaming is allowed! 