Friday, May 28, 2021 at 8:15am my mother was reunited with her Savior!
Monday (24th) momma had developed rapid breathing. It was as if she just couldn’t catch her breath, It wasn’t bad but unusual. Tuesday it progressed and I called her physician who would be able to come out the following day. The entire time momma continued to eat. Her digestive functions continued and she didn’t appear to be in any pain.
When Angela arrived that Wednesday evening `Momma’s heart rate was 160 and O2 level 92. “Does your mother have a DNR” Angela asked. “Yes” I replied. “How aggressive do you want to be?” Was her next question. She then proceeded to tell me that we were at the in of life stage. I have always wanted Momma to die at home with me so that is what I stated. We did called hospice, the same hospice we had back in 2019, within an hour there was an admitting nurse who ordered O2 and morphine. I had everything by 11pm that Wednesday.
Thursday morning the team we had been assigned had dispatched a nurse. He further assessed momma and prescribed additional meds to help with the drooling and he instructed us to stop feeding her. That is when it hit me…we were coming to the end. I cried, not because I was shocked but in somewhat of a disbelief that my season of caring for her was coming to an end.
As much as I have dreamed of the day when I could go and do what I wanted without having to make arrangements for her care, she’s still my mother and I love her. I cried because I knew I had done everything I could have possible done for her and her care. Making her latter years fun, exciting and peaceful. I cried remembering all of the wonderful ways she cared for me as a little girl, teen ager, young adult and as a maturing women.
Thursday night I busied myself with plans for Friday and before I retired the for the night I kissed her on her forehead and told her what a great Mom she had been. That I loved her and was very glad that God put us together. When I woke at 4am Friday to administer the morphine and other meds her breathing was still heavy and there was a grueling sound. I called hospice and inquired from the 24 nurse. Then I requested that a nurse be dispatched.
As I waited for the nurse I went into momma’s room. I prayed in the spirit over her and then I leaned in to her ear and whispered “It’s ok, you can go home now. I will be ok. You can go home., stop fighting” The nurse arrived at 6am and assessed then consulted with her team. They decided that I should administer morphine every two hours. “Really?” I asked “How will I be able to rest?” “Oh, I‘ll contact your team to see if they can arrange for someone to help you.”
I had called Deborah and asked her to come so I could go to the gym and run an errand. I didn’t want Deborah to have to go through the process of watching Momma die. She was a fantastic caregiver but this surely wasn’t in her job description. She arrived at 7:30 went in and greeted momma. I could hear say “Hey Punkin” which was one of the pet names she had for my mother. Deborah returned to the kitchen area where we were and said Momma had opened her eyes a little for her. This made her happy.
The nurse showed me how to crush the meds and make them into a paste and put them inside my mother’s cheek. Then she finished her documentation and left. I went into my bathroom to brush my teeth and change for the gym. I had just finished brushing my teeth when Deborah rushed into my room “Were the meds suppose to make Momma not breath? They are too strong!!”.
Of course in my head I was thinking “what in the world is she talking about “ I followed her to momma ‘s room and there my mother lay as if sleeping. She had taken her last breath with Deborah sitting in the room watching her.
”Deborah,Momma is gone. “ I said “No“ Deborah cried “I asked God not to let me be here when she left and He didn’t listen.” I was holding Deborah, crying myself but looking at my mother’s body. “Deborah she waited for you. She wanted to say goodbye to you., “. We both cried then I called hospice.
I am grateful to God for the honor of caring for His precious daughter, my mother. It has been a twelve year season with ups and downs but God has given me the strength to endure this season with His grace and mercy. My mother was a great women and it was my honor to care for her.
Now, I step into the next chapter of my life. She now occupies that cloud of witnesses in heaven cheering me on. I know I will see her again .
Well done my servant, well done. I could hear the Lord saying to her as she entered into His presence. And I also heard Him say that to me. My season of caregiving has come to and end.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.
Caregiving.....Screaming is allowed! 