REALLY?!!Shut UP

Last week Momma was extremely sluggish. She couldn’t eat or drink. I’d put her sippy cup in her mouth and she wouldn’t or couldn’t drink it. Her lips wouldn’t wrap around the sippy portion and the liquid just ran down her mouth. Eating was the same way.

I confided in two of my cousins. I cried to one about how hard it was watching her die and she told me “You know why you’re going through this right?” I got real quiet because although I was pretty sure I knew what she was going to say I didn’t want to hear it nor think it appropriate. Her response “you’re going through it so you can help someone else.” My response “I don’t give a shit about someone else at this time. It is about me and my mother and watching her die!” This was met with silence.

I was so pissed!! When someone is grieving they don’t want to hear about what you’ve done or what someone else has been through they want someone to LISTEN to them and just be there. People are quick to offer all sort of “advice” when what they need to do is shut up and listen.

Later that same day in the evening, I was speaking to another cousin who asked about Momma. I told him she was advancing and that I didn’t expect her to be here by the summer. His response “Oh, man, well..well, you be strong you be a soldier!” My response “I don’t have to be strong for anyone. When I want to break down and cry I will.” That was met with silence.

I guess perhaps I just have some cousins who don’t know what to say! Later that week after I had a hard time of getting momma to drink her Boost on of my sisters in an organization I am a member of called. It was a butte dial but she saw that she had called and then called back. That I know was God. She asked how I was I told her not good and cried AND ALL SHE DID WAS LISTEN!! How refreshing she let me cry then asked if I had called hospice. Funny, Momma had been on hospice for a year yet I had forgotten all about it. It was like a weight was lifted. Then she told me that whenever I needed to talk and cry and fall on the floor she would be there for me! That is what I needed and I very much appreciated!

As you know momma can really get load with grinding her teeth. So loud that sometimes I have to shut her bedroom door so I can sleep. I asked her physician if I could give her some anti-anxiety meds that she had from when she was under hospice care. Angela stated those meds were too strong and wanted to give her something less potent. Well, when Momma didn’t take her meds on Saturday (because she couldn’t drink them down even being crushed in the shake) which included the anti-anxiety the next morning she was more alert! Since then she’s been much better since. Actually drinking from the sippy cup and eating! So, looks like the milder meds are too much also.

Angela comes this week for her monthly visit and I’ll talk to her about the meds but also about hospice because even though she is doing “better” she is entering the transitioning period.