Today, all I could do was literally scream. I screamed loud and long! Momma slowing down, she is loosing her will to eat. She pockets the food in her cheeks and just holds it. Now this presents two challenges: 1. She isn’t really eating so no nourishment and 2. If she’s holding it then falls asleep then she could choke! So I try to give her water in an attempt to coax her into swallowing. Well, she’ll swallow the water but still hold the food. I guess that’s an indication that she has some will left.
This morning as I had our church service on line, I grabbed her by the cheeks and yelled “ I need you to chew and swallow Momma!” And she just looked at me. I felts like strangling her out of my anger and frustration! Instead I went into the bathroom and screamed!! I didn’t care if anyone heard me I just had to let it go. After screaming, I cried then blew my nose and went back into her room.
And there she was, as if she was going anywhere, with a smile on her face. I went to her and kissed her on her forehead and apologized for yelling at her. Then I went to the kitchen and got some pudding. I began to give her spoons of pudding until she realized what it was and began to take it. As she ate the pudding she finished what was in her mouth. I was able to give her a little more of her eggs and although she didn’t eat all of the pudding it was enough for her to have finished 2/3 of the eggs. I guess I’ll use the remainder of the pudding for lunch!!
It’s getting hard. But I put my complete trust in God and He has and will continue to give me the strength to endure this season!
Caregiving.....Screaming is allowed! 