Overcoming

The last week was hard, I was really in a slump. Not sure if it’s because I’m (pretty sure) peri menopausal but I just really had no motivation. I’d wake up and go through the motions of the day. I’d write, I’d walk and pray, I participated in my zoom Bible study but in the back of my mind I just kept thinking “what’s the point?” I am not suicidal but I did question “why” how can I go on with this lack of commitment to life as it is and how can I change it?

The news is just scary! You really don’t know whose telling the truth and is there really a party or person who has the best interest of EVERYONE? People are so myopic in their views, thinking only of themselves, ungrateful, unappreciative and down right crazy at times! All of this coupled with the reminder that an upcoming Mission trip to Guatemala has to be canceled. It was supposed to have occurred in April but then was postponed until December. But how can I go out of the country with the pandemic seeming to resurge and my mother here at home? The answer is I can’t!!!

I’m not sad about it I know its the right thing to do but it just all came to a head this week. I guess that’s the way it works. Everything sort of piles up on you then you just break a little. But of me my faith is the only thing that really secures me. Even though I had a funky attitude this week and somewhat went through the motions I know that God is in control of my life. I was open and honest with Him about “what’s the point?” And what I got was silence. However, I know that silence from Him is ,for me, to follow the last thing He instructed me to do. Which way back in 2008 he told me to “take care of my mother” and then in December of 2019 we told me to “write” so that what I continued to do. I continued to applied one of two of my favorite scriptures Proverbs 3:5-6. Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not to your own understanding, in everything acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.”

Yesterday I began to feel like myself. Last night one of my good friends texted me asking about how October was going so far. She’s actually my accountability parter we chat on the 3rd Friday of each month but she felt she needed to reach out to me last night. That was God. I replied “it sucks but I have been productive”. Then she called:-) and we talked and laughed. This morning I got up and got momma ready for breakfast and turned on our churches online service. There as I fed momma and listened to sermon my spirit was renewed. One of the positive out comes of this pandemic is that I get to worship with momma. I bring the tablet in her room and we listen and I participate in the worship singing right their in her room with with her. That is a blessing.

I know that I will continue to have these “mental health” times. Times when it’s ok to slow down to question your purpose, progress and life feeling as thought you’re out in deep waters, but the point it not to stay there. You are to find your anchor, for me my faith, and allow that to guide you back to shore.