Over the last week I did a little looking over my shoulder. Remembering when momma first came to live with me. At the beginning the honeymoon phase, then there was the two individuals coming together yet something was preventing it…Alzheimer’s. Then there was the never ending challenge of trying to bring order into an otherwise unpredictable environment. Now there is a routine and a calm. It’s hard to admit but now that momma has lost her mobility it is easier. Easier in I no longer haVe to be concern with her failing (although she never did)or her getting into things she shouldn’t, the push back she sometimes gave when it was time for a bath, or to go to an event. I no longer have to get her dressed and determine what she will wear. And lastly, the stress of “monitoring” her when we were out, you know making sure she wasn’t eating off other peoples place…which she would, or not wanting to leave when it was time or her spitting out food. None of that is a concern anymore and I was left with the question of would a trade now for then?
Well, if I am honest I would say no. The amount of stress that I was under was hard, I mean very hard. Now I don’t feel that and I know that momma is safe, she with me! I definitely would not want to go through the process again, believing God orchestrates our lives specifically for the journey He has laid out for each one of us. I can’t have your life and you can’t have mine, nor should we. He equipped me to be MY mother’s caregiver for this particular season and somehow it fits into the puzzle of her and my lives. So I try my best not to look back and lament on what was or what wasn’t. I concentrate on NOW and how I can be my best self.
Momma is still momma! The one thing she still has is her personality. Last weekend I was busy cooking up Mediterranean dishes AND she ate all of them. It was so funny because Friday I told her that I would be making Shakshuka and that it was going to be really good. She actually smiled and nodded her head. So last weekend we had Shakshuka for breakfast and a Tuna olive load for lunch. I made a Shrimp scampi but didn’t have any white wine so used red…it was delicious! Today I made a creamy Tumeric and parmesan Spaghetti AND she ate that also! My girl:-). She’s still got a healthy appetite!
Shrimp scampi with red wine 
Shakshuka my eggs broke 
Mom’s plate of shakshuka 
Caregiving.....Screaming is allowed! 