Last week I wrote about my friend whose mother passed. What I didn’t mention was that my mother had her monthly visit from her physician. Two week prior I thought there was blood in my mother’s stool. Mobile Physicians sent out a person to collect blood and a stool sample. The results were negative in fact Angela (our nurse practitioner) stated that Momma’s results were “outstanding” for her age and considering she has been immobile for over a year. Her next comment was that my mother was live to be 105 years old!
Now in the spirit of being being fully transparent with you I have to admit her comment brought me joy but also anxiety! I don’t think I’M READY, PREPARED, WANT my mother to live to be 105 years old!!!!
I’ve been doing this for 11 years now and although we have our routine and much of my life is on autopilot, I’m still emotionally and spiritually drained. Today is the 1st Saturday of the month, a day I have a standing requirement for my weekend caregiver to come so I can attend a club meeting. My weekend caregiver texted me on Thursday notifying me she had a conflict. Her grandmother had been in the hospital and the physician was schedule to do an evaluation on today. We asked if I won’t mind having another caregiver come out.
While I appreciated her notifying me first and of course I told her to be with her grandmother; however, the idea of someone new coming into my home and going through the whole process of orienting her to my home, my mother and “feeling” her out was just a non-starter. I’m just not up for it anymore. So in some respect I am limiting myself because if my weekend caregiver can’t come I’m decided now to thwart my plans and just stay home.
The level of comfort I have with my team of caregivers bring me so much peace because I know them, they know me, they care for my mother and we all get along and have a routine. The idea of starting over just stresses me OUT!!! I turned 53 on the 5th and now I’M JUST TOO OLD FOR THAT! HA HA
Now if my mother is to live another thirteen years!!! Oh my… I just don’t think I will make it. Now, having said all that… I do put my trust in the Lord. HE knows what I can bear and I trust Him. So if 105 is His will then that must mean He created me to handle it:-)
Caregiver tip:
I had been giving my mother Ensure for dinner. During the day she gets a good breakfast and lunch. Because she slows down in the evening I began giving her an Ensure as a way to ensure she gets the protein needed and it was quick. During Angel’s visit Deborah, my weekday caregiver, and I noted that momma had been having MULTIPLE bowl movements and they were loose. Angela recommended we easy up on the Ensure and to possibly use another protein shake. We did stop using the Ensure and VIOLA no more running stools. We give her a lite dinner, chicken pot pie, mac and cheese something soft and easy for her to chew…she loves it.
Caregiving.....Screaming is allowed! 