Today one of my friends mother died. I received a text first thing this morning asking to pray. I called her, prayed and cried with her. I’ve known her and her mother for over 3 years now having met them when mom and I relocated to Florida. I met her mother when she turned 89. See her mom and my mom are..were the same age, my mother being 6 months older. My friend and her sister had their mother’s 89th birthday party and invited me and my mom.
I remember being at the party and looking at their mother who was very much ambulatory not needing a walker as my mother did and she was in full command of her faculties unlike my mother and I recall thinking how I would like my mother to be in the same condition as her.
The following year when my mother turned 90 I invited them to my party for my mother. Ms. Violate had a great time. She was laughing and enjoyed the meal (the party was at my home and I invited a few friends) and watched has one of her daughter’s assisted my mother in opening her gifts. My friend commented on how much her mother enjoyed the event. As they left I kissed Ms. Violate on the cheek and said “We’ll see you at your 90th party.”
The months that followed her health declined. And at each year my mother made another birthday I often thought of Ms. Violate. I’d send her cards which my friend said she liked and kept. Sometimes she’d write me one in return. I had no idea how sick she truly was but today her suffering is over.
As I prayed and cried with my friend she admitted she wasn’t ready for her mother to go. This of course I understood but having witnessed the suffering of my father with cancer I have come to the realization that placing our needs /desires over the loved one isn’t good but selfish. I gently told my friend that she needed to look at the situation from her mother’s perspective. She had been in pain and now had the opportunity to end that pain and received peace and joy in her Savior. I told her that her mother would not make the transition until she knew she (my friend) was ok. My friend appreciated what I told her and we prayed. I prayed for peace within the family, strength for my friend, peace for Ms. Violate and that she’d have no fear in meeting her Savior. That was at 8:40am, at 2:30pm I received the text from my friend stated “my mother made a peaceful transition. thank you and I will be in touch soon.”
Caregiving.....Screaming is allowed! 